This past Sunday at church, the guest preacher spoke about finances. He reminded me that stewarding money well is important for God to increase my territory.
One thing he said that really spoke out to me is that, “God is not wasteful, in order to get what He desires to give us, we have to learn how to steward what we already have”. I appreciated this lesson because as it nears closer to payday, and as I reflect on my spending habits this past month, things did not go well.
I can unfortunately, and confidently say that after almost 6 months of getting into Dave Ramsey, I am STILL on baby step number 0. The step where I am still trying to decide if I want to commit to his plan or not. What is there to decide, right? That is what I ask myself often. I should want to ‘want to’ follow Dave Ramsey’s plan right out of debt. It has not been that easy.
Although his plan looks great and all the people in his “Tribe” are motivating, like many things, it is easier said than done.
As I sat down to do my budget for March, I came to tears. Since when does actually having money makes a person cry? Well, here’s the thing.
I realized that I was feeling bitterness toward having to save and tithe, but speaking those words caused me to feel some relief.
I started to question whether I should pay my 10% tithe or put it toward my debt. That thought felt so right, until I sat down and really thought about it. Do I really want to pay down my debt in this way, by compromising my tithe to God? No, because what I can’t do, God can and has, he deserves the 10%. Plus, I am learning how to not lead with my feelings, so although that idea FEELS right, it is not right.
After finalizing that decision about tithing, I moved on to the actual budget. Writing out my income I instantly began to do the math. Tithing 10% and saving 10% equals over $500.
The tears began.
Instead of hiding or running away from the pain, I began to confess to God, “God this doesn’t feel like enough. I feel like no matter how much I make it is NEVER enough”. I realized that I was feeling bitterness toward having to save and tithe, but speaking those words caused me to feel some relief. To not hold in how I really felt and to be honest with not just myself but to God as well, felt really good.
I pushed through.
I began writing out my budget with an open mind. One of the things that I learned from Stacey Flowers is that often times we over spend because we are not honest with ourselves about our expenses.
As I looked over my budget, I could see that I only put down $30 for personal pocket money. I cringed as I thought to myself, I know good and well that I am going to spend over $30 on personal self-care. I KNOW I am going to want to get my nails redone. I can sit here today and tell myself that it’s not an option, and in a few weeks take the money from my savings, or I can be honest with myself right now and put down a realistic budget.
Part of being a good steward of money is honesty. I honestly like to eat out every once in a while, and get my eye-brows and nails done. There is some guilt around me doing those things, because I know that I am thousands of dollars in debt and can’t afford it.
I think that the best way for me to move on to baby step number 1 is to be honest with myself so that I can learn my habits and triggers when it comes to money and to set a realistic budget and stick with it.
Budgets make me feel like I am restricting myself. I have never ever set a budget and stuck with it. I’ve always made excuses, spent the money some where else, or just stopped caring.
My goal for March: set a realistic budget (based on my lifestyle right now) and stick with it. If I need $35 for my nails, I am going to put aside $35 for my nails no matter how guilty I feel. No more lying to myself and ultimately letting myself down. I believe that once I am accustomed to actually using a budget then I can start weeding out the bad spending habits.
-Kaitlin Alexander